Civility

“No one wants it more than me.”

“My mom is cooler than your mom.”

“I work harder than anyone else.”

“My kid is better than yours.”

My social media often has reels and videos where phrases like these are the headliner. I suppose I understand the sentiment—look at me working so hard, or look how awesome my mother is—but I think we have truly lost our way. At the very least, we have lost any semblance of civility.

Society has errantly embraced the idea that something great in my life MUST mean that I’m better than you and you and you…everyone! My success clearly shows your failure.

Um.

That’s a big old NOPE.

What happened? How did we become so calloused and mean, especially when we are simply trying to improve our own lives? Personally, I love grit. I love hard work and consistency and dedication. I love underdog movies and inspirational stories that fill us with hope and possibility. However, in the pursuit of greatness, we have forgotten important truths.

• One, the hard work that led to door-opening opportunities for you is not evidence that no one else is working. Seriously, folks. So step away from your ego and practice awareness of others.

• Second, no success occurs in a vacuum—there is always some luck and good timing involved. Period.

• Third, when we see other people getting the success we want, it doesn’t mean they cheated. It doesn’t mean they lied, or are horrible people, or have no talent. Sometimes, you just don’t get what you want, and others do.

Life is not a game of king of the hill. There’s not one winner at the top, pushing everyone else down who gets too close.

We aren’t in a race.

I’d like to offer a different worldview. We can be genuinely happy for each other when great things happen! We can celebrate any wins, whether they be our own or someone else’s. We can work and grind and do our best, and still fall short of our goals at times. That’s called life. We can practice feeling gratitude when we find success, instead of superiority.

Civility is still a virtue, albeit a disappearing one.

Let’s bring it back.