Compromise

As the mother of four daughters, spring has brought many opportunities for compromise. Specifically, I am talking about finding my girls a formal dress to wear to high school dances. Months in advance, the pictures and links are sent back and forth on our phones.

“What do you think of this one?”

“Do you think this might work? What would Dad say?”

“Is this ugly?”

Truthfully, trying to find a compromise is difficult. We are always searching for the common ground between fashionable and appropriate, affordable and outrageous. Sometimes the search leads to heated arguments and frustration on both sides. Insults, labels, and accusations get tossed into the conversation. Sometimes, the chasm between us grows and we seem to be a million miles apart.

Everyone is angry. 😡

I’ve noticed that we get to this point when humility is absent. I want what I want, and my daughters want what they want—and let’s be honest, Brian wants what he wants. Stubbornness and pride prevail. And there is no dress.

With time ticking forward and the dance getting closer by the day, desperation brings humility into our hearts. We continue sending pictures and links, but this time both sides are listening with an intention to understand one another. We search, try on, purchase, send back, purchase and try again until we find something awesome. Occasionally we find a dress that needs a little additional tweaking, which I gladly do. We compromise.

COMPROMISE.

What does that really mean? When two parties compromise, they both make concessions in order to settle a dispute. Both sides make concessions. Without humility, this never happens, and I mean NEVER. The resulting agreement may not be exactly what I wanted, or exactly what my daughters visualized, but it is still amazing. It’s actually better than amazing because we worked together and found a dress that we all love.

Learning to compromise is an crucial skill. Although we live in a world of AI, real humans are much more complicated. It is imperative that we work to understand people with a different perspective. Stating that you don’t understand cannot be the end of a conversation, but should be an indicator that you have more work to do. Try again. Concessions are not easy to make, but they are an essential part of a compromise.

You can do it.

Keep working toward that common ground.

Find that dress.