Marriage Advice
I’ve been married for almost 27 years.
TWENTY-SEVEN!!
During our engagement and throughout our married life, we have been given a lot of advice from a variety of sources. Some of it has been great, and some of it…has not. Some things just don’t work for Brian and me. In that spirit, here is a small list of marriage advice that has helped tremendously, and some that has fallen flat. Maybe you have a list of your own. Here it goes:
Fight naked.
Seriously? Who is doing this? I don’t even understand the logistics of it—do you pause, mid-fight, and take off your clothes? Do you start naked, knowing that the conversation is not going to go smoothly? It’s ridiculous. Fights and arguments happen, so just keep your dang clothes on.
Never go to sleep angry.
This sounded like great advice. We tried it a few times. We discovered that it’s a bad strategy for us—we fought longer, stayed up way too late, were exhausted, and still fell asleep angry. Brian and I found that sleep was a much better solution. We needed SLEEP. Sleeping softened our hearts, brought some perspective, and helped apologies come easily.
Be generous with the phrases, thank you, I love you, and I’m sorry.
YES!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!! If this doesn’t come easily to you—practice. The person you love the most should know that you are grateful for them, love them, and never want to hurt them. Practice daily.
Keep your commitment high and your expectations low.
A friend told us that arranged marriages rarely ended in divorce when compared to marriages that were not arranged. The difference? The expectations were very high when falling in love and the commitment was pretty low. In contrast, arranged marriages had a very high commitment level and almost no expectations. 😊 I’ve thought of this a lot, especially when I’m mad about Brian not doing one thing or another—keep your expectations low. It helps.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
I laugh so easily—probably too easily. I laugh at myself and at Brian. Occasionally, this has gotten me into trouble. 😬 Brian has been a good sport and learned to laugh at himself along with me—eventually. Some things happen that make you want to cry, but laughing is much more fun.
Love God first.
I love Brian. He’s my best friend and favorite person in the world. But I love God even more. He would say the same. Because of this, we are both trying to become better people everyday. We are trying to love more, be compassionate, kind, trustworthy, honest, and forgiving. Putting God first has created a better marriage for us.
Marriage advice is just that—advice. It’s not a law. It’s not binding. Find what works for you, and practice it every single day. Throughout the past 27 years, I’ve learned that I can be right all the time—or I can be married.
And as much as it has pained me…
I choose to be married. 😊❤️
