Mom or wife?

"Are you a better wife or a better mom?  You can't be both...you have to pick one."A friend of mine asked me this question several months ago, and I have been thinking about it ever since.  The answer has been hard for me to admit.  When I pick one, I'm keenly aware of my failings in the other.  I have decided that you CAN be a good wife and a good mother, but most women lean to one side or the other.Mine is easy.  I'm a better wife.  My friend said as much during our discussion.  Whoops!  Could my preference be so obvious?  I guess so.Being a better wife is easier for me because I picked my husband.  We picked each other! We dated and tried out different people, but in the end, we liked each other the best.  We got hitched.  Despite all our differences and arguments, I still choose Brian.  He is forever my favorite.My kids (and I have six of them) are a different story.  We wanted them all, and were so happy when each one was born.  But I didn't pick them the way I picked Brian.  They came with individual personalities and challenges and quirks.  And ALL six are different from each other.  In case you were wondering, that's HARD.I've read enough parenting books and articles to know that my kids don't have to be like me (yes, they do!), and I need to just love the way they come out (gag).  OK.  I've tried that.  It's not working.Here's some Holly reality.I have one child who is very similar to me...and it is just EASIER to be her mother!  Why?  Because I GET her.  I know how she thinks, what is going on in her head, all of it.  She likes to do the things I did when I grew up.  We talk about the many things we have in common.  It's easy.My husband loves sports.  He loves watching and playing.  I have a son who...doesn't.  He played soccer when he was younger, and it was mind-boggling for us to watch him play.  One game he was moving down the field with the ball and accidentally knocked another player down, opening up a perfect opportunity to score.  He didn't take it.  He turned back and made sure the other player was ok.  Brian and I stood there, dumb-founded.  The kid was fine!  People fall down all the time!  Was this our kid?  HOW? (it is possible that this story also illustrates the problem with competitiveness, or our mutual lack of maturity)I have another daughter who doesn't like ANY of the things I did and do.  Books, movies, food, activities...no matches.  This relationship has been much harder than I planned.  All the mother/daughter bonding that I expected to happen, hasn't.  So I keep plugging along, hoping that someday it will get better.  And easier.All of my kids have annoying habits that can and do drive me crazy.  I LOVE to go on dates with Brian and just get away from them all, even if it is only for a few hours.  Occasionally I make them tell me their story in three sentences or less, because I just CANNOT listen to another 20-minute tale about their dream last night.  CANNOT.I'm guessing this post won't get a lot of likes...my varying feeds are full of moms who have exceptional kids and they just can't get enough of each other.  I'm ok with that.  Who wants to admit that loving and nurturing your own kids doesn't come easily?  To be honest, I wish my family looked more like that.  But it doesn't.  My family has a mother who is a better wife, but she is trying to be a better mother.  Unfortunately, that trying is taking a long time.Sigh.Here's to the moms who find it easier to be a wife than a mother.Here's to the moms who love their kids, but sometimes that love is way, WAY down inside your heart... and you have to look at old toddler pictures to remember.Here's to the moms who understand that mom-ing takes SO MUCH work and dedication, and you're still not very good at it.Here's to me, and here's to you.