Bad Guys

A few months ago I overheard my brother-in-law say,"Well, I hope I'm not the bad guy!"

"Of course you are," I said.  "To the man who applied for the same job as you, and got passed over...you're his bad guy."

My words came quickly and half-heartedly, but I have been thinking about that idea for months now.  Am I the bad guy in someone's story?  How many stories include me...but not in any kind of heroic light?

Admittedly, it is probably a lot.  I don't intentionally try to hurt people, or be offensive or mean, but sometimes I am.  Well, to be frank, I have occasionally done it on purpose as well. It's not awesome.

The very idea has been on my mind so much lately. It brought back an instance where I was definitely the bad guy, but I have no idea why?

Weird, huh?

Many years ago, when Brian was busy doing his orthopedic residency, a new family moved into the area. They went to church with us. I tried chatting with the wife a few times, but we had little in common. She played all sports, and I...didn't.

I didn't think that was a big deal. I'm friends with all kinds of people, and the majority aren't like me at all.

It soon became very clear that this new woman didn't prefer my company. I tried talking to her, playing with her little girl, smiling as I walked by...nope. She wasn't having it. I was the bad guy.

Once, I walked into a baby shower a bit late, and her eyes met mine as I entered the room. She immediately turned to a friend and began whispering loudly (my name was mentioned a few times), still holding my gaze. I tried to smile, but the daggers shooting out her eyes and into my heart proved too overpowering. I sat down.

This went on for about two years, until that family moved away. Clearly, the whole situation haunted me. I don't always get along with everyone, but this was some serious Holly Snow Hatred. For real.

I wracked my brain going over every interaction we had had, and came up empty. I honestly had, and still have no idea what I did to be the target of her animosity.

I will tell you that several years later, I ran into this same woman in Target, while I was visiting my brother in Utah.

At that moment, we greeted each other warmly and I apologized and now we are best friends. We get together each year and celebrate our love.

Actually...that's not quite how it happened. I turned my cart into a new row, saw her, panicked, then I quickly turned around and left the store immediately. We haven't seen each other since.

What can I say? It's the truth.

I guess I will forever be the bad guy in that part of her story. I don't love being that person, especially when I don't even know how I got there! It feels terrible.

But like most experiences in my life, I've learned some things.

1. Don't be the bad guy. Being nice to everyone is a great place to start. However, real bad guys get that distinction over time. All of us have moments where we say or do things we shouldn't say or do. Bad guys do those things again and again and again, and that pattern becomes their life.

2. It's important to forgive the bad guys in our stories. Some of them are real bad guys, but some of them are not. Some people we love to hate simply made some bad decisions. We should forgive them. Forgiveness is so easy to talk about, and so incredibly hard to do. We need to do it anyway.

Start today. Don't be the bad guy any longer.