You know enough
It was just after Christmas 2007, and I started bleeding. The problem was, I was pregnant. Sadly, I ended up having a miscarriage and I was devastated. I called my mom to tell her what had happened.
She listened to me and then said,
"I'm sorry, Holly. You should know that this isn't your fault."
My emotional floodgates swung open. I sobbed on the phone with my mom for a while. I don't remember anything else that was said, but I'll never forget her first words to me. I had been feeling guilty thinking maybe I had done something to cause a miscarriage? I was swimming in despair and guilt. How did she know what to say?
My mom's words were exactly what I needed at that time. She had suffered a few miscarriages, so her ability to emphathize with me was perfect. I was still heartbroken, but my mom's empathy lightened my burden.
I think all of our life experiences, good or bad, are meant to connect us to one another. But how can that happen, if we keep everything in? Don't misunderstand me. I don't believe we have an obligation to broadcast all of our business to the world, all of the time. If you want to...great. If you don't, that's fine too. I do believe we have an obligation to use our own experiences to better care for one another.
When my daughter broke off her engagement last year, life was rough. We were embarrassed, surrounded by gifts to return and phone calls to make. In the midst of the chaos, three friends reached out to me and shared their own experiences with broken engagements. They didn't even tell me details! Just knowing they had a similar experience and moved beyond it was enough. I cannot express how much those simple gestures brought peace to my troubled heart.
I think we all need to pay attention to what is happening around us, and then act. We can certainly choose to be an island, but why? We have way more in common than we acknowledge. People get sick. Family members die. Friends get hurt. Some of us get divorced. Others get divorced and remarried. Some of us never get married. People can't have any children. Some people can't stop having children. People lose jobs and houses and money.
We may not know what to say or do in every situation...but we do know enough to help somebody. Our experiences should not be in vain. Look around, trust yourself, and reach out to help. Even the smallest efforts---a text, a note, an "I'm sorry"---make a significant impact.
They did for me.
