Lost

Just over eleven years ago, Julie asked for an Elf on the Shelf for her birthday.

It sounded like a benign request. A book and a little elf that came with it? How cute! I bought the gift naively, not realizing what I had actually done.

When Julie opened the present, her excitement filled the room. The other kids were equally thrilled. Turns out, that little elf was Santa’s spy and would report back to him throughout the month of December.

Oh crap.

Knowing how unreliable and forgetful our own Tooth Fairy was, I felt a little sick to my stomach.

The deed was done. Our elf was promptly named Courtney, and just like the book said, she came every December 1 like clockwork. And every Christmas morning, she was gone.

Over the years, the kids started wanting Courtney to do mischievous things, things that their friends’ elves did. Truthfully, Courtney didn’t want to do that. She could barely remember to move to a different location every night!

The last three or four years, I really started to resent Courtney. I told the kids she was going to serve a mission, like their brother. They didn’t agree. Begrudgingly, when December 1 came, she showed up.

UGH.

On Christmas Day, 2024, Courtney left like normal. She went back to where she always goes.

On December 1, 2025, there was no Courtney. She didn’t come on the 2nd, or the 3rd, or the 4th. The kids, although they are all much older, were unhappy.

“Where is Courtney?”

“What happened to Courtney?”

I was accused of all kinds of things. My kids turned on me. Knowing my frustration with our elf, I did seem a likely suspect.

In all honesty, I had no clue where she was. As the days passed by, I racked my brain thinking of where she could have gone. I will admit that this year has been a rough one for me—brain fog, mixing up words, not remembering the names of my kids or common items around the house—it’s been wild. Even in my altered state, I turned my closet inside out, knowing that she liked to hide there. She liked it so much, she hid there every year for the past 11 years!

I searched for her everyday. No luck. With each passing December day, the pit in my stomach felt heavier and heavier.

She never appeared.

Courtney was lost.

Although I expected to feel some relief, all I felt was sadness. A tradition that began 11 years ago abruptly ended, and even though it involved a little elf, it felt much bigger. It seemed to be an end…an end to a tradition, an end to the era of little kids, an end to some Christmas magic.

It broke my heart.

I find such comfort in traditions. Losing Courtney made me realize how even the traditions that require work (especially on my part) bring peace and comfort, like coming home. It’s magical.

So I’ll keep looking for our little, lost elf.

Because what is lost really needs to be found.